Yellow Rose

This is a picture I took with my Canon EOS 300 SLR. It's one of my mother's rose bushes she has lining the side wall of her house. My mom has several really well tended rose bushes around the house. Roses remind me of my grandmother. I don't really know why, but they do. I really like this picture. It's one of my favorite mostly because it was a happy accident and I'm sure I took about 15 pictures of Charlie in the middle of shooting the flowers.

It's Tuesday!

I took this picture about a year and a half ago at the Getty. This is actually the corner of another picture that I may or may not post. I'm leaning towards not.

Understanding

I have this desire to understand Republicans. I mean truly understand how they could stand behind George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, John McCain and Sarah Palin. I want to grasp at what they are gaining and who they are protecting by not allowing homosexuals the legal right to marry. I want to understand how these people gain ground. I don't get it. I really want to understand. I want a reason that is outside of the religion arguement. I want to hear something that goes beyond "Democrats are just wrong". I want a fully realized argument about why healthcare is not something provided to ALL American citizens. I don't get any of it and I would really like to. I haven't heard a valid argument for any of it. All I've ever heard is bashing. Granted that same bashing led me to vote for Arnold Schwartzenegger in the gubernatorial election over that ass hat Phil Angelides.

I'm not a fan of mud slinging or catch phrases. "Yes we can" is awesome; unless we don't. You can't say that or "maverick" repeatedly and possibly think you have an argument. You have to back up what you say.

I think ultimately what I want is someone to sit down with me and in the most non-partisan, unemotional way explain to me what the Republicans stand for besides religion, money and guns. When it comes down to it, I don't know a whole lot about them. They confuse me. I am not related to any Republicans (that I know of). I don't have any friends from whom I can gain insight. I don't want to argue about where Republicans and Democrats are right or vice versa. I want someone to educate me in a calm way. A way that is non-accusatory and non-threatening. I don't want to push back. I want to be able to sit still and listen politely and keep my big mouth shut when I don't agree. For this conversation should be held in the spirit of greater understanding with the ideal that from it both parties will have greater understanding of the other.

I once took a class called Jewish-Christian Relationship. Basically, what we discussed for one whole semester was the differences of the two religions. What we found is that they are more alike than they are different. I like to think of the various world religions as thus: taking different routes to get to the same place. So I feel like this same principle can be applied to politics. That we are all traveling this path towards a better country, a better world but taking different paths to get there. We may not always agree but our paths will cross and if those crossing can be as peaceful and easy as possible then maybe we'll get their a little faster.

Here's to a non-partisan America.

Beast People

I've decided that since I'm minus a camera at the current time (well not really I have the film camera and film), that I'd go ahead and start posting some older stuff that I have on my computer and external harddrive.

I took this picture about 5 or 6 years ago at the Ren Faire. They are these people who essentially live as wild people for the entire run of Ren Faire. It's pretty awesome. I did some post effects today. I'm pretty happy with what I got. I really like this picture. I think it's rad. But then again I took a whole roll of film of these people and was satisfied with almost every one of them when I loaded them onto this computer a couple months ago.

Bright Spots on the Gloomy Front

I am the gloomy front BUT I some things are making the gloom glow a little brighter:

- Coffee with Miss Marisa and maybe Caitlin and David! I haven't seen them in two whole weeks. I miss them all!
- Kaleb was born today! I'm going to visit on Saturday. He's a damn cute little one.
- Barack Obama and Joe Biden were sworn in two days ago. Hope just keeps on rising up.
- It's Thursday, which means tomorrow is Friday. That means that this work week is over.
- Jury Duty starts on 2/2/2009. I liked it the first time I served. It made me feel like I was a part of the process. I'm a nerd.
- The Super Bowl is almost here. That means I get to see my friends and watch the last game of the 2008 season. I don't count the Pro Bowl.
- I'm pricing the Canon Digital Rebel XSi. I'm going to get on by summer. I've decided.
- I'm going to Italy to see my Annnnnne! I love Italy. I love real vacation.

I'm trying to look up, since all I really want to do is bury my head in the sand and hide.

in defense of car salesmen

My father has been in sales since he got his first job at 16. He's been selling cars since he was in his early 20s. I've grown up around car sales. My first job was as an evening receptionist at a car dealership my dad worked at. I know what people think of car salesmen. They are smarmy and only want your money. In the case of my father and some of his best friends in the business, they aren't that way. I have met some smarmy carsalespeople (women sell cars, too, and they are MEAN) but I noticed that most of them are just people you wouldn't want to talk to anyway.

One thing I've always hated was people going to car dealerships and getting upset (read: pissed off) that the salesman doesn't want to take them on a test drive. Um....duh. If you aren't going to buy the car then you are essentially wasting their time. Test drives take about 30 minutes when all is said and done. In that 30 minute window someone who is more serious about buying a car can come in and go buy from someone else or go to another dealership altogether. I've been on exactly one test drive in my whole life. I test drove my Rabbit and knew I wanted it after I got around the first block. The whole thing took about 10 minutes. I didn't want to waste my dad's friend's time since I wasn't getting the car that day.

The other thing I hate is when I was little and people would come in right when the store was closing and my dad would stay sometimes until 10:30pm with these people and not sell them a car. This is what car salesmen call a "nightmare" customer. They are the ones who waste precious HOURS of your time with questions and repeat test drives and the like only to go to another dealership.

Did you know that car salespeople work on commission? Well, they do. If you dick them around and cost them money, they aren't going to be happy. That's the way it works. Car salesmen are people, too.

Well!

I had a thought and I was totally going to post about it BUT it has left me. It's gone. Oh well. C'est la vie!

Here is something I was thinking about yesterday, though:

I've decided that I'm going to pretent I am ready to date. This stems from a conversation I had with some co-workers last Friday. Basically the jist of the conversation was "Fake it 'til you make it." So I'm just going to act like I'm not an emotional wreck 90% of the time and put myself out there and do the stuff that I like.

Basically, I'm going to try to make 2009 the year of positive thinking. I'm trying to be less negative, smile more, laugh more, and love more. I feel like what you put out there is what you get back. I've lived most of my adult life (all 5-8 years, depending on how you look at things) being a grumpy Gus, an Oscar the Grouch, if you will. I'm pretty tired of it.

I'm trying to avoid those things that make me feel poorly or negatively about things. Unfortunately, that has caused me to not seek out some of my friends. We shall see if that changes, but quite honestly they aren't seeking me out either. Such is life, I guess.

I've really changed in the past two and a half years. I think some of it is for the better and some of it was for the worst. For instance, I've become more positive but I've stopped going to church. I feel like one of the steps I'm going to need to take for myself is getting myself back into church. I don't generally feel God's presence when I'm there though and I think that's the disconnect. I used to feel something everytime I went and now it's like a void. I don't know. It hasn't hampered my belief in Him or His son or His spirit. It has, however, crushed my faith in humanity. I occassionally see random acts of kindness. But more often than not, I am seeing people judging others, being mean, laughing and ridiculing people and generally not being very good.

The other problem I've been running into is this: who am I to say that my way is the only way and that everyone who doesn't believe what I believe is wrong. In their minds, they aren't wrong. I think that essentially we are all going different routes to achieve the same thing. To find paradise, heaven, etc. So in that instance, is it right for me to act superior to my non-Catholic Christian brothers and sisters? I think not.

stupid shit that has been on my mind

• I want to tell people about my blog but I don't want anyone to know about it. Figure that one out for me, will you?
• I want a twitter but I don't think I'm very interesting. Or really interesting enough to have a twitter.
• I don't think the Eagles are going to win on Sunday. That has been my attitude most of the season. I think it's helped them. I'm not saying that I think they will lose, I just don't they are going to win.
• That being said: I really want to see the Eagles in the Super Bowl. It's Donovan's Time!
• I wish I could make myself leave the house long enough and cute enough to meet someone interesting and make a friend. But I suck at making friends. That's why all the friends I do have are old friends or I met them through other people. The only friend I've made on my own crazy merrit is my best good one.
• Shoes. Really that's all.
• I should use the Wii Fit more but I'm lazy. That's a problem, huh?
• I hope I find somewhere to have chili for super bowl. I think I found recipe that doesn't suck and that people will like. I've got a cupcake plan (brynne=dork!) and I'm ready. I just need a space. I wish I had my own personal bigger space but I don't.
• This is really disjointed. I'm going to stop.
• Have a loverly Monday.

Wake Up Call

1. Put your iPod/iTunes (or MP3 player) on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag friends.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Queen - We Are the Champions

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Mos Def - The Rape Over (really?)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Lorerra Devine - I Miss You Old Friend

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Jordan Sparks - God Loves Ugly (based on the title alone, that makes sense)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Daughters of God - Daughters of God

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Boyz II Men - Doin' Just Fine (wow. That just about sums it up.)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Joaquin Phoenix - Ring of Fire (Yeah. Thanks.)

WHAT IS 2+2?
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Blood Sugar Sex Magik (well....there are 4 words in both the band name and song title)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Lifehouse - Wash (Hmmmm.....)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Alan Jackson - There Goes

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Fleetwood Mac - Say You Love Me

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Usher - Hottest Thing (ahahahahahaha)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Sublime - Wrong Way (ehehehehehe)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Rich Mullins - Nothing is Beyond You (if I have a wedding...this won't be what is danced to)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Relient K - Staples (um....i hope not)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Heart - Straight On

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Scott McKenzie - San Francisco (Be Sure to Wear Flowers in Your Hair)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Queen - Crazy Little Thing Called Love

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Mariah Carey - If It's Over

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Cody Chestnutt - Brother With an Ego

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Usher feat. Lil' Jon - Yeah!

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Ray J - Feel The Funk I...(Intro)

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Jaci Velaquez - Speak For Me

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Seal - Hey Joe

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
The Distillers - Distilla Truant

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
My Chemical Romance - Famous Last Words

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Whitney Houston - Until You Come Back

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Warlocks

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Relient K - Wake Up Call (Well, ain't that profound?)

Wednesday: A Follow-Up

So yesterday when I got home my apartment was a little chaotic. Here's what I walked into. I got into the courtyard and the front door was open (whatever, roommate was home). I walked into the apartment and his bed (read: twin mattress) is standing up and leaning against the wall that separates the kitchen from the living room. I walk further into the apartment towards my room and am confronted with my roommate's girlfriend (whose name I still cannot pronounce) cleaning the bathroom. That's right folks, this woman (who does not live in or to my knowledge spend very much time in my apartment) was cleaning the bathroom. We only have one. It was weird. I had to pee, so I asked if I could get in the bathroom and the response was thus "Of course! You'll be happy it's clean!" Now I knew the bathroom was filthy. I gave up. My roommate is a man. He shaves and fails to rinse the sink on a damn near daily basis. It's one of the things I've chosen to over look since he does not require that I converse with him ever. So I pretty much went about my after work business. I did my Wii Fit time, made my dinner (Indian food and rice from Trader Joe's), watch Made of Honor again and chilled out.

Marisa, Caitlin and I (and David, hubster of Cailin) were supposed to get hookah last night but our hookah place (lovingly referred to as Little 909) was not open. So we decided to hit up Polly's, our favorite little coffee shop in Belmont Shore. Bah! Polly's now closes at 8pm and not 9pm like the did the first time we went there. So we sauntered (giggling) down to the nearest Starbuck's and grabbed a table to chit chat and drink coffee (soy hot cocoa, soy latte and soy chai) and eat my tempura(!). We had a grand ole time. Then she entered. Tweaked out. Crying. Screaming into a phone that was not hers. It was special.

Before we left the parking lot, David and I had the following exchange through our respective car windows:

David: (honks)
Brynne: (rolls down window) Yes?
David: Were you named after the sound that a lawn mower makes? You know BRRNNNNBRNNNBRNNNNBBBBRRRRNNNNN!!!!!!!
Brynne: (looking at David like crazy person that he is) Um....no. Not at all.
Caitlin and Marisa: (laughing uncontrolably)
David: Are you sure?
Brynne: Yes.
David: Okay. Bye.
Brynne: Bye.

Then Marisa drove me home and we chatted about life and such.

All around good night. Plus I have a clean bathroom. We'll see how long that lasts...I think until the roommate shaves.

Wednesday

Today is Wednesday and like many Wednesdays since I've moved to the LBC, I'm going to get hookah with two of my oldest and bestest girls. To simply say that I love Caitlin and Marisa is the greatest understatement known to my tiny pea-sized brain. These two girls can offer me the insight that I'm not so damn alone in my crazy sad, alone feelings. Occassionally, I have felt that the three of us know each other better than anyone of us and that makes me feel like I'm part of something bigger than me. And, really, when it comes down to it, isn't that all anyone could ask for?

because......

On the day after the fabulous Donovan McNabb and the Philadephia Eagles Offensive and Defensive lines take themselves into the second week of the post season, I am feeling GOOD. I'm back at work after two weeks off and it's strange. It's like the first day of school. While I was on vacation we were moved to a new building with shiny new cubicles (for I am a cube dweller). The new cubes are about a foot shorted than our old cubes and a good 14" of that height is taken up by CLEAR glass. This essentially means that I can see from my cube at one end of the row clear to the empty cube on the other end of the row. Luckily no one is in the cubes immediately surrounding me. So: Bonus!

I got here around 6am. I woke up at 4:30am. I think I finally tricked my brain into letting me sleep around 1:30am. Strangely, I am not in the least bit tired. Just thirsty...still thirsty from New Year's Eve debauchery.

On that note, here is my list of "resolutions":

1. Don't drink booze unless there is sufficient foodage on the tummy.
2. Document my life via the internet beyond using Facebook and MySpace (more so the former than the latter).
3. Get into a place where I am willing to tolerate being in a relationship. (I think this will be the toughest since I don't see my value currently.)
4. Cook more. Bake more.
5. Smile more. Laugh more.
6. (and final) Be Present when I am somewhere. I think that's the greatest thing we can do for our loved ones.

happy new stuff and junk!

First off:

Dear Whatever is attempting to camp out in my throat:

STOP IT!

thanks!
b.

Second:
I am going to attempt to actually post in this more than once in a blue moon. I'll try at once a week for now.

Today, I made some delicious soup. Jamaican Red Bean Soup. I LOVE it! My whole apartment (all 4 rooms) smells scrumptious. I also threw down some Jiffy corn bread muffins in my new silicone muffin pan. They came out super moist.