Tuesday, January 13, 2009


I had a thought and I was totally going to post about it BUT it has left me. It's gone. Oh well. C'est la vie!

Here is something I was thinking about yesterday, though:

I've decided that I'm going to pretent I am ready to date. This stems from a conversation I had with some co-workers last Friday. Basically the jist of the conversation was "Fake it 'til you make it." So I'm just going to act like I'm not an emotional wreck 90% of the time and put myself out there and do the stuff that I like.

Basically, I'm going to try to make 2009 the year of positive thinking. I'm trying to be less negative, smile more, laugh more, and love more. I feel like what you put out there is what you get back. I've lived most of my adult life (all 5-8 years, depending on how you look at things) being a grumpy Gus, an Oscar the Grouch, if you will. I'm pretty tired of it.

I'm trying to avoid those things that make me feel poorly or negatively about things. Unfortunately, that has caused me to not seek out some of my friends. We shall see if that changes, but quite honestly they aren't seeking me out either. Such is life, I guess.

I've really changed in the past two and a half years. I think some of it is for the better and some of it was for the worst. For instance, I've become more positive but I've stopped going to church. I feel like one of the steps I'm going to need to take for myself is getting myself back into church. I don't generally feel God's presence when I'm there though and I think that's the disconnect. I used to feel something everytime I went and now it's like a void. I don't know. It hasn't hampered my belief in Him or His son or His spirit. It has, however, crushed my faith in humanity. I occassionally see random acts of kindness. But more often than not, I am seeing people judging others, being mean, laughing and ridiculing people and generally not being very good.

The other problem I've been running into is this: who am I to say that my way is the only way and that everyone who doesn't believe what I believe is wrong. In their minds, they aren't wrong. I think that essentially we are all going different routes to achieve the same thing. To find paradise, heaven, etc. So in that instance, is it right for me to act superior to my non-Catholic Christian brothers and sisters? I think not.

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