I'm doing something that I can honestly say I haven't done in years. I'm sitting in my room listening, really listening, to a CD that I just purchased. I know it's not very current of me to still be purchasing physical CDs but I really don't care. Sometimes you need something to hold on to. So the CD is Ben Folds Presents: University A Cappella! It's making me really happy.
I've had a lot on my mind since this weekend. Saturday was a really great day until I saw the person who broke my heart. The fact that he reacted as badly to this encounter as I did makes me feel better. I'm glad that it's not only hard for me. I didn't speak to him. It's not necessary. I have nothing to say to him. I've recently stopped feeling like I need to apologize for taking the entire thing that transpired between the two of us. I don't need anyone's judgment for my feelings. Yes, I took it too hard. No, I wasn't the least bit graceful. Yes, I could have handled it better. I didn't. I wasn't. I did what I could with the tools I had.
I have a habit of not relying on people when I'm going through things. I tend to hold things in and internalize them. I'm probably partly to blame that things all landed on my head. I'll accept that but I'll be damned if I'm going to absolve him.