Thoughts and such...

I'm over the sad I've been feeling since Sunday. I'm done with it. I'm taking my dad's advice and saying "Aww, fuck 'em." That's what I'm doing.

Today, the last of my friends I graduated with is be turning 25. She's celebrating by getting tattooed and then having a shindig at her pop's house. Miss Marisa is probably one of my favorite people to sit around and kill time chatting with. Both of us are Chatty Cathy's and can dispose of hours with our witty banter. Add in one very special Caitlin and bam! hours lost. Marisa and Caitlin kind of defined my senior year in high school. That's all there is to it. I love them both dearly and would probably jump in front of a speeding train for either girl.

On another note, tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I love the holidays. This will be the first Thanksgiving not spent in the fine company of my darling family. I will be spending it with a friend from work and various and sundry other folks. I'm looking forward to it. I'm going to make some Monkey Bread. This is something I used to beg my mom to make every year at the holidays. She stopped making it quite a long time ago but it's still one of my favorites. I'll let you know how it turns out!

Misunderstandings

I got a call tonight around 10pm from a friend who I haven't hung out with in over a year. He was out with another friend of ours, who I have known for longer. I went because they both got on the phone and said that they wanted to see me and hang out. I went because I miss my boys. I miss the ease of hanging out with men. It's so signficantly different than hanging out with girls. Guys don't give in to nonsense. They just don't. Por exemplo:

My friend comes to me and says can I use your phone to call my girlfriend. I say yes with very little thought beyond "this is one of my oldest friends and he needs to use my phone". Well he gets in trouble with the girlfriend from calling from my phone. Apparently, he's betrayed her by hanging out with me. Which quite honestly crossed my mind before I left my apartment. I figured that it was fine. So, now he's in deep shit over some silliness.

I feel like I've done a significant amount of growing up in the past year and a few months. I just figured that everyone else who was around before that did the same. I guess I was wrong. I think that being 25 going on 26 I don't have the need to dwell in pettiness. No, I don't really care for this girl who is dating my friend but I don't think that's important. I think, if she is making him happy that's what's important. I've told him this on several occassions about girls he's dated. That's the philosophy I am currently trying to live by. Follow your bliss.

I'm trying to do that. I don't want someone to call me beautiful and thinks it's a done deal. It's not. I need more than that. I'm sorry. Call me picky or fickle or finicky. I don't really care; all apply.

Mostly, I'm upset that I got someone in trouble with someone else and I didn't mean it. I just heard "I need to use your phone" and didn't hesitate. That's the kind of person I am striving to be and for that I apologize.

Seriously?

So I'm feeling like talking about anything beyond the election is trite and unnecessary....BUT:

Last night I went to the Carrie Underwood concert at the Nokia Theather in Downtown Los Angeles with three of my best girlfriends, my best friend's mom, her daughter and her boyfriend. We had a great time. My friend's little one just turned 4 on Oct. 24 and she LOVE LOVE LOVES Carrie. She sang her little heart out until she passed out from exhaustion. One thing I noticed that has colored my opinion of Ms. Underwood was this video they showed about 1/3 of the way through the concert. The video showed her winning all the awards she's won, winning American Idol, and doing all of the good that she has done with her new found fame. The problem is this: I always thought that she was a humble, small-town girl because that is what they want you to believe. Her shameless "look at how great I am" video rubbed me the wrong way. I just feel like it was mostly unnecessary and self-gratifying. Is that going to make me stop listening to her? Probably not. I listen to lots of music by people that I wouldn't be friends with, so that's nothing new.

On the flip side in 8 days I'll be going to see the fabulous Mr. Ben Folds at the Wiltern Theater. I would totally be friends with Ben. He's super nice. When I met him in 2001 he was so nice and super nervous. He forgot the words to Brick at the meet and greet. We reminded him. He was pleased that people knew the words to his song better than him. When I saw him last summer at the Holly(weird) Bowl he got on top of the piano to play it. The man is awesome and I want to go get snacks with him and talk about dinosaurs. I'm excited.

I found them

The words, they are here! Last night this great nation elected it's first African-American president. To be able to say that I am an American has never meant more to me. The fact stands that changes need to be made and that Barack Obama will be at the forefront of those changes.
I work in a predominately Republican work-place. I wish I didn't know that. I wish that it didn't matter but it does. That I heard someone offering their condolences to another employee bothers me. Of course, I can't rightly know what my reaction would have been if John McCain had won. I think I would have been crying tears of sorrow last night instead of joy.
I'm glad I live in a country that is ready to embark on a new path. I woke up this morning and said to myself "It's a new day." That essentially sums up how I'm feeling.
On the flip side, I am appalled that Prop. 8 passed. I am horrified to live in a state that has an amendment in the constitution that discriminates against a group of people. I like to believe that this country has come along way and in many ways we have. But to think that there are people in this country that don't have the same rights as others bugs the hell out of me. How can I be so proud and yet so ashamed at the same time.?
For me last night was bittersweet. Yes, I am glad that Obama won. I am proud that this country made the right decision. But I'm also so sad that California has chosen to oppress a group of people. It's not protecting marriage or children or religious freedom; it's using those things to discriminate against others. That is the problem.

I have no words

I cannot accurately express how proud I am of the this country. We have our first Black/African-American President of the United States of America and I have no words.

Decisions

So I've been trying to cool my rage at people who are voting yes on Proposition 8. I mean really trying. I've tried to understand their side of it beyond the God hates gays and the our precious children will be scarred arguments. All it's been leaving me with is that they don't have anything to stand on beyond these arguments. People are using their religions and their children to justify their bigotry and hatred. I think the commercial narrated by Samuel L. Jackson says it best in that it displays the Great State of California's misguided views of "the other".
To take away anyone's rights is one of the worst things that can be done. Speaking as a black woman I cannot espouse anything that supports discrimination or bigotry of any group. The same God the "Yes on 8" people frequently quote also said that we are called to love our neighbors as we love ourselves and that all people are made equal in his sight. I can't possibly judge anyone's choices, lifestyle or anything of that nature. That's NOT my job. My duty as a Christian is to love the Lord God and to love my neighbor as myself. That is what I'm supposed to do.
My mom always says that you shouldn't judge someone unless you are prepared to be judged in that same fashion. I don't want to be judged for the way I live my life. I don't want to be judged for how I was born. I don't want to be judged for the choices and mistakes that I have made. The only person I'm prepared to have make judgment calls on me is God and last time I checked I'm not standing at the gates yet.

Life Goals List

This is my list of things I would like to accomplish within my lifetime. I most certainly hope I can complete it:

• Watch all 32 professional football teams play at their home stadiums (2 down, 30 to go).
• Get Master's Degree in Social Work
• Find the forever kind of love
• Sell (at least) one photo
• Go to Greece
• Make a Wedding Cake
• Visit Jamie and family in Washington, D.C.
• See Jakob Dylan/The Wallflowers live
• Get a dog and house train it
• Raise $25,000 for a charity
• Figure out if I'm going to get my JD

That's all I can think of now... I'll be back when there are more.

Edit to add:

• Get certificate in Pastry
• Own house (doesn't have to be big or anything, just mine)

stood-up

for the first time EVER in my life i was stood-up last night. he didn't call. i haven't heard from him since Tuesday. what a jackass. here's my list of possible rational explanations that caused him not to call:

1. he's an asshole who only wanted to get into my pants and upon discovering that, ha, that wasn't going to happen he decided i wasn't worth his time.

2. he's an asshole.

3. he went to the bathroom. dropped his cell in the toilet and couldn't call me because his phone is dead and he can't get a new one until the weekend. which of course begs "why not just send me a facebook message?" well he didn't because his Internet is down so he can only go online at work and work has been crazy crazy crazy. which leads to:

4. he's been soooo very busy with his crazy crazy crazy job that he can't get a moment to shoot me a text that says he's super busy and wasn't going to be able to make it.

5. he's an ASSHOLE.

i think the worst part is that i liked him. there was nothing really wrong with him that i couldn't deal with. he was great. oh well. maybe he'll show back up in my odd little life.

but I've sworn off dating. I'm DONE. so i guess if i hear from him I'm going to tell him that sure we can hang out but i am going to call him on his standing up of the Brynne.

the curse of ben folds

The man to my left and I have had an interesting run. Everytime I have gone to see Ben Folds the friend I would take with me wouldn't last much longer as my friend.

The first person I took to see Ben was my first college roommate Andrea. This was probably the best Ben experience I've had to date. I got to meet him which was awesome! About a month later we requested a room change and I moved in with Crazy Lexi (I don't talk to her either) and that was that. I never spoke to her again.

The second person I took to see Ben was my friend Christy, from Crossroads (the on capus coffee shop we both worked at). This was a pretty great night. Our friendship went sour after the school year was over. She just kind of dropped out of my life. I don't miss her at all. She was an anorexic and wouldn't admit it.

The last person I took to see Ben was my ex-boyfriend, Zack. We were working on being friends (with benefits). He really wanted to see Ben; I ALWAYS want to see Ben. It was at the Bowl. Ben sang "Bitches Ain't Shit" and the old people in front of us cringed the whole time. It was really a good night. Two weeks later Zack and I had the fight to end all fights. I told him I hated him (it was true). I don't hate him anymore. I don't feel anything towards him anymore.

This time around, I'm seeing Ben all by my lonesome. It's the only thing that makes sense. It'll be me and Ben and it'll be amazing. I like all the friends I have right now and don't feel like sacrificing anyone to the curse. So that's how it is. That's where it's at. Ben Folds + Brynne = special good times (by special good times I mean "losing friends who kind of sucked anyway").

the thing is...

so george carlin died on sunday and i'm sad. in fact, i cried while sitting in my cubicle when i read it on monday. i couldn't finish the article because i was crying. the grandfather of one of the guys at work passed away yesterday and he looked spectacularly saddened. my grandmother has been gone for 6 years this month (i miss her like it was yesterday). death is something that we all see in our lifetimes. these amazing people who teach us and help us to grow and make us laugh and allow us to cry pass on and we are never the same. i'm feeling amazingly uninspired this week. i feel like i have nothing to contribute. i need to make a change. i'm turning into someone else everyday. why not push the envelope a little.

bang bang

these are some bangles that i have had for a while. i never wear them. i hate jewelry. i don't know why i bought them.

warped tour 2008

I'm not really happy with anything I took today. But we all have off days, don't we?

sunshine

i like that you can't tell that there is liquid in this glass. it looks like some sort of weird sun thing.

rocks

I took these at the park across the street from my house. I'm testing out this "Digital Macros" business because, truth be told, I don't know what the hell it's for. I like the results though.

the plan, part ii

so dig it. i forgot to say that i would be posting a NEW picture everyday. so that means i have to get off my lazy butt and go take at least one picture a day. give the camera and my eyes a workout.

"Lily of the Nile"

Agapanthus africanus in front of the house. I hate these stupid flowers but I liked the way it looked against the sidewalk with the water spots from my dad watering the grass.

testing........

So um... the plan is that i'm going to post at least one picture a day to this blog. that's the plan. that's all i'm writing.